When passion leads to pressure

Spring is in the air at Hopkins, and all of the blissful ideas that surround dating and romance can seem particularly apt now more than ever. But dating and relationships can often be a cause of stress and tension, and these feelings of frustration can seem magnified in the midst of the academic and emotional pressures of being in college.

Everyone seems to have a different take on the relationship between dating and stress. While some say that a relationship can be a stress reliever and a great source of support to weather all of the other pressures that college presents, others feel it is yet another addition to the multitude of stresses facing students.

Dr. Michael Mond, the director of the Counseling Center, cites that a little under 15 percent of the 916 students who visited the Counseling Center last year stated that relationships and breakups were a "serious problem" in their lives. That percentage isn't as dramatic as the percentages of students concerned with time management and self-confidence; there is "often a lot of overlap," Mond said. "A relationship issue can affect someone's academics or their ability to sleep or think clearly, and that is what they ultimately seek help for."

Mond doesn't find the number of students concerned about their relationship or dating life as particularly unusual. "Everybody will have some relationship concerns. People are built to try and establish intimacy with others." Mond said, "At a young age people are single and are trying to establish relationships and struggling with how to connect with others. Everybody struggles with how to connect with people and how to be independent and dependent at the same time."

There are a variety of issues that college students dealing with relationships are particularly prone to have.

"Often times people don't know what they are getting into and are so excited to be in a relationship that they overlook a lot of stuff about their partner." Mond said, "When the honeymoon phase ends they start to get a better look at that person and they then have to deal with difficulties. Most people in the normal course of developing will encounter problems and then grow from them, even though it may be painful."

Mond said, "For many people in college, it is their first real relationship, and the lack of experience can be particularly poignant. People are also dealing with sexual issues in a very serious way and discovering what they are comfortable with sexually."

Students have their own take on the unique stresses of being in a relationship while in college. Sophomore Dave Yaron said, "Hopkins is a such a small school, so everybody knows everybody. People's social circles are intertwined and there is a lot of gossip that goes around. Third parties play a large role in dissolving relationships. This can make for awkward social gatherings and add to stress."

Sophomore Bryan Balin said, "At Hopkins you are always in contact with other people. In a relationship I have to deal with a girl and her friends."

He added, "On top of that, the isolation after freshman year lowers the outlets you have to meet other people, and you end up dating your friends, but you can't really date your friends because that creates its own breed of drama."

Problems for students can arise from how to find the right relationship, how to maintain a relationship and how to get out of a relationship that just isn't working. For those who are attempting to enter into relationships but struggling to do so, "It is important to deal with self confidence and self image issues. It is important to explore ways to overcome the fear of entering into relationships and to take risks. Maintaining relationships means both partners need to give up autonomy and to learn boundaries. Getting out of a relationship is also difficult. People's values can be different, and it is important to get out in the least harmful way," Mond said.

Hopkins' academic pressure creates another layer of stress to the already tense world of dating. Mond said, "Succeeding academically takes a lot of energy and time and is very demanding to the extent that time devoted to academics deprives you of time for a social life. There is a push and a pull. Some people do sacrifice social opportunities to succeed academically. I don't want to judge, but it is important to have a balanced life."

Yaron reiterated this point. "A lot of people at Hopkins are goal minded people who have their whole life planned out. They see relationships as an obstacle to their school work and not as a priority," he said.

With all of these issues that erupt out of dating, many students still find rewarding relationships.

Sophomore Erica Brown, who has been in a committed relationship for over a year, said "being in a relationship has made my other stresses seem less severe. There is always someone there to support you. Overall it has made me feel more relaxed and less stressed. While you do have to chisel out time for the other person and juggle friends and school work, it is definitely worth it."