Welcome to Hopkins. If you already have your heart set on medical school, I have some bad news: only 1,095 days left until the MCATs. And if you're thinking about that already, you're going about this whole endeavor the wrong way.
The next four years will fly by, but after a few months at JHU, you'll discover that post-graduation plans change quickly -- ask any senior. Besides, you should be looking at college as a chance to enjoy your newfound freedom, not as one more rung on the ladder to your M.D. Over the last three years, News-Letter staff members have carefully field-tested the following suggestions, but they're only a starting point. Give them a try, because we know everything, but come up with your own, too.
1. Get Off Campus
Baltimore is a great place to go to school. Seriously. Not only is everything really cheap here, but the city offers tons of distinctive neighborhoods, access to other schools and close proximity to D.C. and New York. Figure out Hopkins' shuttles. Learn how to take the bus. Wait until your roommate does study abroad and then put 3,000 miles on his car. Whatever it takes, make an effort to get off campus and enjoy the city around you.
2. Get Really Far Off Campus
Unless you're the type of person who enjoys filling out forms and tracking down obscure academic figures, the study abroad process might seem like too much trouble. Wrong. Nothing you do in your four (or five ... or six) years at Hopkins will have a greater effect on your academic and personal outlook than hopping a plane to another country. Besides, if you do study abroad, next time your friend insists that Patisserie Sylvie on Rue d'Odessa in Paris (M??tro stop Montparnasse on the 4, 6, 12 or 13, take the Rue d'Odessa exit, number five) has the best bread in the city, you can respond with your own equally boring anecdote.
3. Get A Job
You'll be amazed how fast you can spend money at Hopkins, especially once you realize that (most) food you buy off campus won't give you food poisoning. Non-work study jobs usually tend to start at a paltry $7/hour, but you should get one anyway and latch on. By the time you graduate, you'll be doing less work and getting paid twice as much if you're careful. And, no matter how badly you need money, don't work at the Phonathon.
4. Spend Halloween In Fells Point
Drink up. Dress up. Stagger onto a bus and enjoy one of the largest Halloween gatherings in the country. If you really can't think of something original, you should take my advice and go for the cat ears -- because nobody will think of that one this year.
5. Spend The Summer in Baltimore
Ever wonder what Hopkins would be like if everyone relaxed? Spend a summer in Baltimore. You'll discover that people in Charles Village are actually friendly, and you can take advantage of the $2 happy hour at Brewer's Art (best beer in Baltimore!). Don't worry about your high-powered internship in D.C. -- you can save money by living in Baltimore and joining the cadre of elite commuters who spend four hours on the MARC and the Hopkins shuttle each day.
6. Take A Swim
Tuition just went up again? Cool off your anger by downing a six pack of Natty Bo, grabbing a pair of shorts and taking a quick dip in President Brody's pool, located right in front of his stately manor. Watch out for the Hop Cops.
7. Find a New 2 a.m. Food Source
Now that you've left home, you have some serious responsibilities. Assuming Hopkins doesn't screw up again, Royal Farms will be gone by the time you read this, and Uni Mini isn't long for this world. It's up to you, dear freshman, to find a new place for drunken food within staggering distance of campus. We would recommend picking a place where the employees won't stab the students.
8. Steal Hopkins' Money
Our beloved University has piles and piles of money. Next time you get hit for a $5 lab fee or some equally petty expense, don't steal reams of paper from the computer lab. Get creative and apply for a scholarship or grant. The more obscure your interest, the better; chances are you can swindle a grant from the school and spend a summer investigating "Self-Regulating Customer Service Markets in Northern European Cities Ending in --Sterdam."
9. Stalk A Professor
If you're lucky, you'll have the chance to take classes taught by some of the smartest people you'll ever meet. Take the time to go to office hours and get to know one of your professors, and you'll have a better chance of doing research, getting recommendations or scoring a job after you graduate. Plus, you might learn something.
10. Go Northeast, Young Man
Despite the cries of weird University of Maryland fans, the true Hopkins lax rivalry involves the fake Ivy in New Jersey. Commandeer a car, discreetly pack some booze and head up the highway for an epic battle at Princeton. Last time, Hopkins fans managed to drown out the wine-befogged cries of 1,000 cardigan-wearing Princeton fans. Julian Gould still sucks.
11. Explore Campus
Every year someone mentions this in the first issue of the paper, but don't let the occasional locked door discourage your adventures. There's an observatory on the top of Bloomberg made for snowball fights and drunken escapades, but don't limit yourself to just that part of campus. Most of the buildings on the main quad are connected, so if you can get on the roof of one...
12. Practice Your International
Relations
Might we suggest the Middle East as an area of study? Lebanon is nice. Try Beirut.
13. Write For The News-Letter
"Hopkins has over 250 campus organizations, and if you don't find one you like, you can start your own." Remember that one from your tour here? Only one campus organization provides free food to its staff and has an unfortunate tradition of letting people from California be in charge. Check us out.
