And you thought a condom made sex safe. Last year, a friend of mine broke his arm. You would think that he would've made up a good story like drunken brawls, taking on a group of 20 guys, being drunk, defending a girl's honor, being drunk; but no, he broke his arm due to anal sex.
Let me explain. So one night my friend, we'll name him Jon, went back to his room where his beds are bunked, and he sleeps on the top. As Jon is falling asleep, his roommate comes back with his girlfriend. Being the good guy that Jon is, instead of putting a pillow over his head or accepting a sexile for the night, he decides to be quiet and watch. Jon bends his head over the railing in time to see his friend having sex, then flipping his girlfriend over and begins doing things that were very illegal in Texas not so long ago.
Nothing too shocking here so far.
After they're done, however, the girlfriend isn't able to make it to the bathroom. At the sight of this, Jon's roommate throws-up. His girlfriend, then being so disturbed at the sign of what she and her boyfriend just did to the carpet throws-up herself. At this point, Jon -- who's still watching -- is laughing so hard he tips over the bunk beds, and breaks his arm.
And this is how one breaks an arm due to anal sex.
This story is entertaining, but it also carried with it some good lessons:
1. If you decide to have anal sex, or even try anything that you used the Kama Sutra as a reference for, check the other bed, under beds, in closets and anywhere else someone who may be waiting to get a free show could be hiding.
2. The thing about sex -- in this case it just happens to involve a back door -- is do whatever floats your boat (hey, I hear the couple is still together; there are few better bonding experiences) but make sure you know the shortest way to the bathroom afterwards.
Anal sex is one of those subjects that we're still really supposed to only whisper about. We had a Supreme Court case about it (granted the Laurence case was specifically addressing the issue of gay male sex, but sodomy laws still exist in a handful of states), but still anal sex is not one of those things that people really want to consider. If you don't talk, even if it's with a "hell no" or "bring it on," you may find yourself in a situation like a friend once described as, "I tried to slip it in without her noticing -- but she did."
Anal sex brings up so many issues past homophobia, condoms and lubrication. The most basic problems girls face with this issue is the idea that it just seems degrading to some, but they can't express it; maybe they wouldn't even know where to begin. There are a lot of girls (and even guys) for whom anal sex evokes the image of a "Dirty Sanchez" more than "making love."
Concepts like "making love," however, are often found in girls' vocabularies, not guys'. I would love to get a letter as to why guys prefer anal sex, and I can write about what male friends have told me, but even with those insights I still don't have a penis, which limits my perspective a bit.
A female perspective on this issue is that there are only a few motives for having anal sex (versus trying anything else). One plausible option is to add something to your sex life that's lacking. Another is that it could just be a need dominate or to be dominated. There is actually also the possibility that the guy is actually gay, but that's really another article, question and issue entirely.
I think the best analogy I can think of for anal sex is actually having sex doggie style. You could like doggie style for any number of reasons, but they can all really be simplified into some basic motives: a guy thinks the girl is severely busted, you want to pretend your partner is someone else, or the guy is expertly trying to stimulate a girl's g-spot, and wants your hands free for other fun adventures. Very different motives, but they can occur in the same time, and can kill a good time if the reason is only found out afterwards.
I know this might get old, but the best way to avoid the problem is not to let it start. If you like it, want to try it, or are just curious what a Dirty Sanchez is, ask. Really, what's the harm? Oh no! Someone, namely the person you're sleeping with, might think you're kinky. I can't say I would cry for you.
The whole point is that having that conversation before you find yourself grabbing your ankles is that you're going to be sure you want to be there. If you are, hey that's great, just remember to check the bed above you before you start.
Editors' Note: In this weekly column, Jess Beaton will discuss her own experiences and answer sexual queries on any topic.
The columnist is not a trained medical professional. If you seek professional medical advice, please consult your doctor.