Selling out and joining the dark side

I've been an English major since fifth grade.

As a girl of 12, I fell in love with words, language and the art of literature. From Camus to Dickens to Dostoevsky to Fitzgerald to Tolstoy, I was drugged with the beauty of their language.

Simply put, I was and still am the epitome of an English major.

And now, as of this August, I have become a Hopkins banality: an International Relations major.

I remember when I came here as a wide-eyed, literature-enthused freshman, I was puzzled by the sparse population of English majors ? or by humanities majors in general for that matter. But now I know why: IR consumes all non-science majors and transforms them into one homogeneous, passionless group. It's a "practical" and "respected" major D possibly the only "respected" non-science major in a school of science gurus D and lures passionate humanities students to the parentally-lauded course of practicality.

So I have one caution to the new freshman class of humanities students: beware IR! Beware practicality. And if you're an English major, e-mail me at jvaldez2@jhu.edu because I'm sure we'd be friends.

Overall, I think it's difficult to confidently be a humanities major at Johns Hopkins, a breeding ground for eventual doctors. The humanities broaden our comprehension of the world D they engender deeper understanding of humankind and its history so that we have better insight into our contemporaries. But while it opens our horizons, the humanities do not offer tangible results, such as saved lives by medicine or money generated by business.

So the humanities are considered "useless" and "impractical" by the overall population at Johns Hopkins ? and often by parents footing the bill.

Last year, I'd tell people with pride that I was an English major.

A knowing smirk would upturn their lips.

"Oh, you're an English major," they said in hidden laughter, inwardly thinking one of two things: 1) "Oh, you're a slacker," or 2) "Oh, you're wasting thousands of dollars just to read books you could read during your free time."

And to some extent they were right. English is an easy major if you enjoy heavy reading and possess analytical skills ? I can't speak for the other humanities majors. There are those who become humanities majors for the "easy way out" and give the rest of the humanities a bad reputation. I personally gave up the major because I felt I was learning nothing that could be used in the career world. Passions are great, but from a realistic viewpoint, I need to make money when I graduate in order to have the time and funds to enjoy literature. So I am now pursuing my passion unofficially outside of school.

I haven't a clue whether I've made the right decision. When I volunteered to write this article in May, I was still a staunch English major. Now I'm simply confused D certainly in no position to pretend I have the answers for the new freshmen with the same interests as I.

But I do know one thing: I feel somewhat empty since I gave up English. I feel like I've lost my individuality, the one characteristic that set me off from every other hardworking Hopkins student. I had a passion and I was devoted to it. Nothing mattered but my own internal realization of language's intricacy and beauty.

Now, I'm IR like half the school, impassioned and complaining about those pesky economics requirements. I feel like I've lost something, and I want it back.

Reading over this article, I find it completely transformed from what I originally intended it to be. I started the story fully intending to persuade freshmen humanities majors to convert to IR-dom. And now, I've done a complete turnabout. What was meant to be an instructional article for freshmen morphed into an explanation of my own confusion ? the confusion of a humanities major in a world that respects the sciences.

But after all my confused rambling, I have one recommendation for freshmen humanities majors: Do what you love.