I was relaxing during the past holiday weekend, kicking back and trying to keep up a conversation while inhaling as much food as I possibly could (after three months of dorm food, wouldn't you too?) and it came to my attention that we are nearing the end of November. Do you know what that means? Christmas is right around the corner. The splendid day is less than a month away. (Yes, take a deep breath, let it sink in. I can hear the "Oh Shit!" ringing throughout the campus.) The wonderful mass commune to the malls has already begun. Me being exceedingly lazy and avoiding lines that are longer than ones I would wait in for Michael Jackson tickets, I have not purchased a single present. That means there are about 28 days left. Let's see what Hopkins has on the agenda.
Because Hopkins is a school so filled with holiday cheer and festive celebration, our professors have planned for us a final round of midterms, term papers to write, portfolios to hand in, labs to wrap up, a week of non-stop literally certifiable studying and then an entourage of finals that will undoubtedly bring us to our knees. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? So that leaves how much time for shopping? Seeing as finals will run until the Dec.19 or 20, followed by packing up to go home, we will have none.
Let's face it. We are screwed. But at least we're all screwed together, right?!
I've been brainstorming, and I think I've come up with some pretty good solutions to what seems to be a no win situation. As long as we are going to be glued to this campus for the next four weeks, we might as well do our holiday shopping here. Oh, and another thing. Did anyone else check their bank accounts while they were home? Yeah, bargain shopping is an absolute must. Don't worry though - you'll be amazed at what Hopkins has to offer!!
First off, let's look at the one place you visit every day, two or three times a day - the dining hall. Sure, your grandmother or grandfather would love a nice formal place setting for the dining room table from somewhere like Marshall Field's or Neiman Marcus, but let's be honest. That's just not going to happen. However, have you noticed that the amenities at Terrace and Wolman are of the highest quality? They're used day in and day out, and they never break. The silverware stays shiny, and the pattern of the plates and glasses would be perfect for just about anyone! I'm sure if you took a fork at dinner, it wouldn't be missed. And then a spoon the next day. And then a plate (which would be harder to smuggle out, but can still be done). Pretty soon, you'll have yourself an entire place setting with the grand total coming out to be ... oh, I think our tuition probably covers it, don't you?
Do you need any ideas for those friends on campus that you want to get something special for? I have a few. For the next few weeks, we are going to be studying nonstop. Judging by the usual Hopkins mentality, that means pulling all-nighters and considering the actions of going to the bathroom and eating as taking breaks. What usually happens when we spend countless hours pouring over physics and chemistry and history and literature?? We get hungry and dehydrated! For the holiday study season, surprise a friend with an energizing care package!! Meal equiv. at Megabytes or the Depot for refreshing fruit drinks, appetizing apples and oranges, and Utz pretzels and chips! He or she will greatly appreciate the thought, and the cost to you?
Nothing that isn't already covered in the meal plan! Isn't this great?
Let's see. You need to get something for Dad. What better place to look than the campus bookstore?? You could buy him Hopkins golf club covers, a Hopkins golf shirt, Hopkins golf tees, a Hopkins golf club bag, a nice sweatshirt that says "Hopkins Dad" that he can wear when he goes golfing and a Hopkins baseball hat that he can wear if it's too sunny while he's golfing! Our wonderful university has all of his needs covered!
And while you're in the store, you could get Mom a gift too! The bookstore has a wonderful variety of sweatshirts that say "Hopkins Mom," a vast selection of teddy bears, each wearing a knitted sweater of school spirit, and Hopkins coffee mugs and candy dishes! What more could you ask for? Yes, I know all of this might seem a little above your budget, but you're forgetting that the bookstore accepts J-cash. It's as easy as swiping your card, and before you know it, your Christmas shopping is all finished.
Except you forgot your little brother or sister. Don't worry! I have just the solution for you. You buy an unbelievable amount of books at the beginning of every semester, some of which you don't even read, and most of which you will read once and watch collect dust underneath your bed. Your little brothers and sisters look up to you! They want to be just like you. Why not help them out and give them a book - say, for example, your Intro. Chemistry book, or your Macroeconomics book, or your Molecules and Cells book or your copy of the Communist Manifesto? Not only are you sharing yourself with them, but you're also encouraging them to learn. Absolutely priceless.
If these unparalleled ideas don't appeal to you, then friends, you are on your own this Christmas Season. Remember, they won't know that you got that nice set of measuring cups from the Chem. Lab. Hell, you could even get your friends a new hot plate for their dorm room (just be careful, we don't want security on your ass during finals.) And remember, it's the thought that counts. No matter what you get them, your family will probably just be happy you made it home. You could even skip the shopping and tell them that you're giving the gift of your presence. It might work. Anyways, Happy Studying, Happy Shopping and Happy Holidays!
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