Bored? Try our food challenges

College is a time of freedom and discovery. When it comes to food, this means two things.

First, freedom from your parents, who raised you to eat with knives and forks and such, persistently reminding you that food is not a plaything.

They were lying.

Second, the discovery comes when you realize that losers in the game of life tend to have a high propensity to be winners in games involving food.

Losers are people News-Letter happens to know a little something about.

Along those lines, the N-L has done some research into the wonders of using food to elevate one's self-respect.

So, to that end, here is a list of gastrointenstinal olympics with which to impress your friends, or at least that fat girl down the hall. Though you won't get a medal, you will come home with some rather large loaves to pinch.

1. Two-dozen ice cream sandwiches, one half-hour

Doesn't sound so bad, right? I mean, the ice cream is going to melt and reduce in volume, and then all you're left with are the cookies. And even a girl could put down 52 cookies if she had to, right?

In reality, this is some dangerous shit. Your typical gut isn't very heavy-duty. Attempting this almost certainly will make you projectile vomit frozen material from out of your stomach (which is actually kinda cool).

This challenge sort of ties in with the next one, but it's supposed to be some sort of chemical thing with all that dairy in your stomach that makes this one impossible.

2. One gallon of milk, 15 minutes

Easy, right? Wrong.

Though it is also difficult, one might be able to imagine downing, say, a gallon of Kool Aid or even Miller Lite if pledging.

I don't know what the science of all this is, but it sounds rather reasonable to assume that this is impossible.

But this one has an urban legend side to it that only enhances the conventional wisdom that attempting this challenge is just plain stupid.

Attempts are rumored to cause day-long head and stomach aches, the runs and brain damage. But then again, you probably have to be brain-dead to try it.

The Fiji brothers are already lining up.

3. 200 pixy stix, one hour

No matter what happens here, you know you're going to get fucked up going into this one.

While probably do-able, a stick of sugar every 17 seconds or so is some serious shit.

It won't take long to end up running laps in your basement, pounding your head against the wall to make the headache go away and singing It's the End of the World As We Know It faster than Michael Stipe.