Not-so-fresh meat: Dating an older woman and how it can work for you - Our wet-behind-the-ears Don Juan offers some tips to ambitious young men in search of long-term prosperity and one-night stands.

Disclaimer: As the columnist is a heterosexual male, further text in this column will refer to and be based upon experiences with women. However, forthcoming text may also be pertinent to women seeking men.

Okay, so you're a freshman and you just got to college. You're stressing about classes, buying books and making new friends. But one thing that's definitely crossed your mind is: Damn! These upperclass women are hot!

Now, while all of you freshman are licking your chops at these older honeys, it's safe to say that your sophomore counterparts are doing the same thing because, let's face it, they still have two whole classes of chicas to choose from. I do not claim to be a Casanova, but I believe the following guidelines and observations are essential in attempting to date an upperclassman.

Firstly, if you are a freshman, whatever you do, do not reveal your class standing unless specifically asked. For some reason, lots of women have complexes about dating a younger guy. If you tell an older girl right off the bat that you're a freshman, chances are you will be quickly rejected, even if the girl claims not to be concerned about the ages of her dates. This is an important guideline for sophomores as well. Any class standing below junior tends to be looked down upon.

Class standing need not be indefinitely concealed, though. If a girl likes you, a later revelation that your are a freshman or sophomore will not carry grave consequences, if any at all.

You will be well on your way to conquering the age complex and luring that beautiful baby if you follow this next piece of advice: Be mature. If you act your age, a girl can tell. The older she is, the more maturity she expects from her potential date. If all you talk about is drinking and getting laid (yeah, I'm taking it to extremes) you're chances are nil. Be sure to talk about what she's interested in, and not anything that you thought was cool when you were 16 or 17.

As you're flirting with your hottie, attempting to underscore her interests, make sure you present an aura of confidence. This pointer is universal in the dating game. Girls don't like a guy who is unsure of himself, even in some of the most trivial aspects of life. Be decisive, and if a comment she makes catches you off guard or makes you feel small or uncomfortable, just roll with it and show her that it takes more than little things to lower your confidence or make you upset.

Finally, a piece of advice that should be obvious, but will go by the wayside unless specifically mentioned. When going after that older gal, be sure to talk to her. Girls like it when a guy starts conversation, and you can be sure that if you're younger, the odds are low that she's gonna start the talking for you. So just work up the courage and say hi. It may not work every time, but it will work none of the time if you don't try it all.

So, my young brethren, hopefully you have gained some useful knowledge that you can apply to the social scene at Hopkins. And ladies, if the pointers I've mentioned leave you thinking I'm an idiotic moron, you're probably right, because, hey, I'm a guy, I can't help it.