Last weekend, on a short trip home, I checked my text messages and receive one that said, "In the sex shop, want me to pick you up a vibrator?" Apparently, a group of my female friends decided there was safety in numbers and it was time for them to take matters into their own hands, since other people's hadn't been cutting it recently.
What stands out to me is that it took them so long to decide that it was time to take their sex lives into their own hands and that they really could only muster the balls to do it in a group. Not to say that sex-toy shopping isn't fun when you can laugh with other people, but knowing yourself biblically shouldn't take critical mass.
As far as guys are concerned, they generally get masturbation down pretty quickly. It's pretty simple, and I doubt that any guy needs a how-to lesson.
Girls are a little more complicated. What doesn't help is the fact that even though a lot of girls do it, no one talks about it. Each girl has a reason why she doesn't do it or doesn't talk about it, but all it comes down to for a lot of girls is fear of failure. According to Cosmopolitan Magazine, a recent national survey revealed that 58 percent of women in the U.S. don't let their hands do the walking, and of those who do, 47 percent feel it's confessional worthy.
For a lot of girls, however, guilt's not the thing. Often it's that they don't want to start because they aren't exactly sure how to finish. Unfortunately, this lack of knowing yourself can translate into problems with your significant other. I don't think you can ask to have a guy get you off without being able to do it yourself.
So what's first? Honestly, I will break girl ranks here and I would stay away from the vibrators, etc. Although Sex and the City made the rabbit all the rage, I personally think they're a little intimidating. All you really need some lube (personal or store bought) a good imagination and a hand.
So where to start? Like everything for girls, it's in your head. You need to relax. Trying to force yourself to relax isn't going to cut it. The more pressure you put on yourself the less anything is going to flow. This means lock the door and turn off AIM. If there's something you begin to worry about as the process goes on, take care of it, even if it breaks the mood for a second. The last thing you need is to take forever and end up explaining the reasonfor your carpel-tunnel to the health center.
Some girls get tangles up as they come closer to climaxing. But just remember that whatever you're feeling is normal. If it's too intense back off and try again in a few minutes, but what you're working for is intense. That's why your neighbor is so damn loud. The next step is to picture something (i.e. hot scene from a movie) or someone that actually turns you on. Most guys I know can get off to mostly anything -- celebrities and girls they know alike (don't ask about it, we're all safer just not knowing).
Most girls I know might drool over Johnny Depp (Joaquin Phoenix would be a personal preference, but whatever) but most need to turn to real life experiences. For those who don't want to venture there, fantasies are just that--you're going for the feeling, not the person. So have fun with old boyfriends and experiences. It doesn't mean you want to relive the experience with the person, just that you had a great time when it happened.
As for what to do with the rest of your body, I think it goes without saying, you don't start where you're going to end up. There is more then one erogenous zone on the body. If you don't know them all by now, go on treasure hunt -- you'll find them. Also, lube isn't just for heading down south--slick fingers work well massaging other parts of the body as well.
As you move slowly south, apply the same principles for a hookup to yourself. Tease. Start on your inner thigh, work your way around and in. Once you find exactly where you want to be, don't stay there, move around and then come back -- you'll thank yourself later. Even the most klutzy among us has the dexterity to change speed, stroke and rhythm to find what works for herself.
What you need to know is that it takes trial and error -- if you take a while to get comfortable with what you're doing, don't let it bother you. Just take some deep breaths, relax and keep going. The world record is something like six and a half hours -- and no one's looking to see if you're going to be the new record holder, so don't feel like you're in a competition.
After practice, you want work up to the advanced levels. Once you have your own bathroom, try getting a detachable head for the shower -- it's more versatile than a vibrator. Also, ask a boyfriend for a hand and return the favor if you feel up to it. And for the most confident among us, if you're boyfriend can't keep up with your learning curve the best way is to lead by example; I promise he will be a quick study. After all of this, if you still want to take a trip to the Love Zone, then be my guest. This time, however, it won't be out of necessity.
