So you say you chose Hopkins for the academics. Well, think again, young grasshopper. At the end of the day, what's really important is knowing obscure acronyms and incomprehensible jargon--and Hopkins has more than the CIA. Here's the News-Letter's guide to talking like a Jay.
AC
When you realize that holding back yawns during class isn't working your glutes, the AC, or Athletic Center, will come in handy. With tons of gym equipment, a climbing wall, and basketball courts, it's like it doesn't want you to gain the "freshman fifteen."
AcPro
Academic Probation, or what happens if your GPA falls below 2.0. If you find yourself getting suspiciously excellent at Snood, watch out for this.
AMRs
Alumni Memorial Residences, the dorms that most freshmen will either call "home," or "that place where my buddy found a blow-up doll in the ceiling." The most social of the dorms, the AMRs are divided into houses with names like Gildersleeve and Griffin, so you can continue pretending you're Harry Potter.
APTT
A Place to Talk. Located in AMR I, it's where you'll find friendly peer counselors when your roommate is tired of hearing how you haven't had a date since the Clinton Administration.
Arts & Crafts
The name each engineer will call the School of Arts and Sciences at least once in their four (or five, or six) years, only to find themselves hanging from a lamppost by their underwear shortly after.
Bawlmer'
Hands down the Greatest City in America™ for false advertising on park benches. Now that it's your new home, love it, respect it and stop pretending it has three syllables.
The Beach
That giant lawn in front of the MSE Library where hot co-eds graze when the weather is good.
Beirut
Also known as beer pong, this drinking game originated in Micronesia, where tribal warriors sought to impress potential mates by aiming small spheres at open, liquid-filled cups. Now the frats carry on this proud tradition, except trashed and with a lot more unnecessary high-fiving.
Bloomberg
As in Michael, the billionaire New York mayor, 1964 alum and big-time JHU donor. The School of Public Health, among other things, is named after him. While efforts to institute annual animal sacrifices to the man are still under review, most students honor Bloomberg by making out in the space observatory he paid for.
BoE
The Board of Elections, a subgroup of the Student Council responsible for running campus elections, and notorious for bringing Florida's shining standards to Homewood. But we're (cautiously) optimistic they'll step it up this year.
Brody
The man, the myth, the President. Some say he is a highly advanced animatron. But what does the News-Letter know anyway?
BMA
The Baltimore Museum of Art, on the south side of campus. With free admission for Hopkins students, there's no excuse to be uncultured.
BME
Biomedical Engineering, a program that induces more sweating than the AC. Most majors drop out by sophomore year. You'll spot the ones who don't by their paleness and twitching.
Breezeway
The archway and stairs separating lower and upper quads. Groups there ambush you with flyers, but it's a fine place to hear about events and express your non-apathetic indignation about...stuff.
Cafe Q
Some dork from the medical school told me caffeine isn't for mainlining, so I guess I'll have to switch to drinking it instead. And so can you, at this coffee shop on M-Level of the MSE Library.
Charles Village Project
A long-term construction plan meant to improve the area around Homewood by adding more student-friendly attractions, like restaurants, shops, a real bookstore and a massive moon bounce blasting European techno all the damn day long. Guess which one of those is hypothetical.
CollTown Shuttle
When one institution is just not exciting enough, this shuttle service takes you from JHU to surrounding schools. Oh, and don't forget your I.D.
CVP
Charles Village Pub, the popular bar on St. Paul Street where you'll find booze, food and, if you're lucky, drunk TAs.
CONDOM
Is it a bird? A plane? A prophylactic? No, it's the all-girls College of Notre Dame of Maryland, a Catholic school to the north of campus. To the best of my knowledge they do not come in ribbed.
D-Level
The lowest level of the MSE Library, where you'll have the unique experience of cramming for finals three inches above the earth's core.
Death Lane
As the only southbound lane on Charles Street, it's closed at all times except for morning rush hour. Someone gets hit every year. Look both ways, kids.
Diff EQ
Differential Equations, both a really hard math class and a way for sexually frustrated engineers to express their masculinity, as in: "Dude, I rat-a-tat-tapped that DifEQ test like--[insert mimed demonstration]."
E-Level
The student union located in Levering Hall, where you can watch all the cable movies you want while pretending to be Black Widow at the pool table and play video games.
Gatehouse
Standing proud at the corner of North Charles and Art Museum Drive, the News-Letter's headquarters is a dilapidated green playhouse for some of the downright foxiest people on campus. Visit! Bring speed!
HAC Lab
Homewood Academic Computing Lab. Serving your 24-hour porn needs, except for a brief cleaning slot on Sunday mornings, when you'll just have to browse your roommate's stash.
Hop Cops
The indispensable security guards who'll give you rides when the shuttle doesn't come, open your door when you're locked out in your jammies, and protect you from the big bad world. Plus, those little vans they drive? So cute.
The Hut
So you're having problems with the MSE Library--it's not there for you past 2 a.m. and, to be honest, it's a little frigid. Who do you run to? Why, the Alfred A. Hutzler Library in Gilman Hall, of course! Accessible 24 hours a day and sweltering, just the way you like it.
IAP
It's an election year, so what better time to take Introduction to American Politics, taught by the entertainingly sarcastic Professor Benjamin Ginsberg?
IFP
Introduction to Fiction and Poetry, a required class for all Writing Seminars majors. If your creative ego's looking a bit hardy these days, go give it a good spanking there.
IR
International Relations, a combination of history, political science, economics, and foreign language, and one of the most popular majors at Hopkins. Ambitious majors can apply to the 5-year BA/MA program that takes you to SAIS (Hopkins' School of Advanced International Studies, in D.C.). Or you could just focus your skills on yelling at Bill O'Reilly.
Lax
I can't believe it's not football! Yes, lacrosse, our only Division I sport and the reason homecoming is in the spring.
MCATs
The very sound of this word should dampen the armpits of any red-blooded premed. Oh, the MCATs. A Western tradition rooted in pain, much like the guillotine and the Spanish Inquisition. What can I say? Enjoy.
MICA
Maryland Institute, College of Art. Students at this nearby art school know how to draw purty pictures, and probably pierce more things than you do. Artsy Hopkins students can sign up for courses there after freshman year.
MSE
Milton S. Eisenhower, the man who was president of Hopkins while his brother was president of the U.S. How do you figure that little competition played out at family reunions? A lot is named after Good Ole Milton around here, including the main library and the fall symposium, which has featured speakers like Michael Moore and Nelson Mandela. Beat that, Dwight.
The News-Letter
You're tenderly caressing it right now. No, the paper.
Orgo
Organic Chemistry. Come sophomore year, you might be whimpering this in your sleep.
Peabody
Hopkins's prestigious music conservatory in Mt. Vernon. Like Julliard without the nice city.
Phys. Found.
Physiological Foundations, a brutal ritual for junior BMEs and ranked one of the toughest courses in the country. This class has been scientifically proven to increase the whine level on campus by up to 35 percent.
PJ's
If you're looking to check out lacrosse players outside of the WaWa basement, PJs, a bar connected to the Charles building, is rife with them and other guys whose necks are wider than their heads. Also available: delicious food for those drunk enough to have lost all sensation in their tongues.
Rape Steps
How's this for a cheery campus legend? Word has it that the stairs leading from N. Charles to the freshman quad are made for a woman's stride so she can outrun potential rapists. Ladies, another excuse for you to do the chasing.
RoFo
The beloved convenience store that was located on the corner of 33rd and Saint Paul Streets and is now just a bunch of construction scrapple, thanks to the Charles Village Project. But people will probably be reminiscing about the fried chicken and stabbings for years to come.
Rotunda
Shopping plaza with a Giant, Rite Aid, Radio Shack, cinema and, most prominently, large quantities of sucktitude, which is now a word, thank you.
SAC
Student Activities Commission, the body that distributes funds among campus groups. If you're in Sci-fi Club, for instance, they determine how many times you can rent "Star Trek: Voyager" and pronounce it "galactically awesome" in Klingon.
Schnapp Shop
Is radioactive-blue vodka missing from your life? Located on the corner of Calvert and 30th Streets, the Schnapp Shop beckons with that and much more. Get those fake Texan driver's licenses ready, and ye shall receive.
Sketchy
An adaptable Baltimore adjective suitable for whatever's odd or shady--a Hampden guy pulling beer around in a stroller, for instance, or any food product that comes out of a frathouse fridge. Don't think you can refer to someone as His Sketchalency? You haven't been in Baltimore long enough.
Spring Fair
Every spring, Hopkins hosts a weekend full of craft booths, rides, a beer garden, and concerts by major bands, like Blackalicious and Guster. Topping all of that, however, is the chance to walk around with giant turkey legs and deep-fried Oreos without being in Texas or at a medieval fest. Good times.
StuCo
The Student Council. Last winter, a freshman overthrew their Constitution, and now they're revamped, reorganized, and somehow still without an elected president. Stay tuned.
Throat
Short for "cutthroats," or kids who'll do anything, maybe short of a sex-change operation, for an A. Supposedly, we have some here at Hopkins. But don't repeat that, or I'll steal your chemistry book and pull the fire alarm, freshy.
Uni-Mini
University Mini-Mart, another soon-to-be-doomed store on 33rd Street. Enjoy the falafel while you can.
WaWa
The Alpha Delta Phi fraternity, currently located above Uni-Mini, which used to be a WaWa store--see the connection? This frat is known for its football meatheads, crazy shenanigans and way with a cooler of Jungle Juice .
WJHU
In terms of the great college radio tradition, Hopkins is a bit lax (haha, get it? Shut up, crickets). The student-run radio station is only available online, has a sporadic audience and is far from a trendsetter. But it's better than nothing.
