Nothing really can compare to walking around campus and being stopped and asked a random sex question--it really adds variety to my day. Otherwise, the walk back from Bloomberg would just be tedious.
Once a couple of people hit on the same topic, it's time for an article. Apparently there are some people out there who really want to whip out the handcuffs but just don't know how to do it.
Consider last week's article introducing the idea of kink-lite by playing with food. If you think you want to push things a little further or want to take off more points from your purity test, light bondage can be a fun addition to your sex life.
However, when you don't know how a significant other is going to react to handcuffs, just slapping a pair on them is not the best idea--I guess at least, in this scenario, your partner can't really get away, but it's still not a nice surprise.
There are a couple of ways to spark a discussion about the subject with your partner.
If you're really worried about his/her reaction, you could gradually sneak the idea into your partner's head. You could do this by suggesting to watch light bondage porn or take the "guess what I heard x and y are doing" approach -- it's slightly transparent, but that's not a bad thing.
If not-so-subtle cues aren't your thing, suggest it outright. It's usually best to err on the side of caution, so be sure to mention it while your clothes are still on, so your partner isn't too startled.
If talking is not a strength in your relationship, it can be pretty effective in some cases to start getting into it and then bring out a pair of handcuffs. Just dangle them there. Smile and say that you thought it'd be fun to try.
If your partner's already turned on, chances are he or she won't have much brain capacity to say no to your idea, unless they're really freaked out.
Some people are against introducing any toys -- as if using them is an admission that something's wrong with their sex lives. If your partner's prone to "Is it me?" syndrome, be prepared to tell them that there's nothing wrong, and you just want to experiment.
If you skipped using food (see last week's column), feel free to try that first and move along accordingly. Gradually getting more kinky is a good way to introduce your partner to things that he or she would have originally been against.
The myth that your sex life only needs a jump-start if you're making your grocery list during sex is wrong. Sex needs to be about fun. And toys are fun.
However, if your partner is interested but scared, there are a lot of different types of less restrictive bondage that doesn't involve jacking props from cops.
First, there's verbal bondage/domination. Tell your partner (or be told) to assume any position (let your imagination run away with you) and tell him/her not to move. Then have fun tormenting them and see how long they can last.
Or, I have a friend who put condoms between her boyfriend's fingers and told him not to drop them.
Sounds easy enough -- I dare you to try it sometime. Mental games can be just as effective as physical ones and can get people mentally ready to move further.
Also, if you're one of many people living in dorms, a lot of the beds don't actually have a place for you to tie someone to. Do not let Hopkins put yet another damper on your sex life.
Just tying someone's wrists together or behind their back gives the same effect, but it's a lot less scary.
There are a million variations -- the point is to broach the subject, see what your partner's down for, then work from there.
Finally, I would like just put a couple of things out there for the general good:
1) I suggest you actually start with cuffs and not physically tying someone to a bed. Most readily available things (ties, scarves, etc.) have a tendency to get tight quickly, and one of the least attractive things I can think of is losing feeling in my wrists -- and then stopping sex to search for a scissor to cut it off.
2) Bondage, like anything with sex, involves trust -- tying someone up taking their trust and running with it. I know this should go without saying, but don't leave your partner alone tied up. While you're there with them, it is fun -- when you're not, they're just cold and pissed off.
3) Do not use metal handcuffs -- they will bruise you. You will then have to explain to friends why you have bruises around both your wrists. This will be awkward.
4) If you choose to ignore this advice, get cuffs that do not require a key and will not tighten on their own. If you for some reason get cuffs that require a key, keep the key in very safe place, and check to make sure it's there before you start.
I'm sure every locksmith has one great story about a guy or girl cuffed to a bed at like three in the morning.
You don't want to be that person.
