“I mean, I did pretty well in high school, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
— SOHOP kid
“I just slept for 36 hours, but I think I need a nap.”
— Generic college student
“But on the safety walk they said you’d 100 percent die if you’re off campus at night.”
— A road scholar
“I’m sort of worried that I’m going to get scurvy at some point. I don’t think I’ve had a fruit since a freshman swiped me into the FFC.”
— A senior
“There’s nothing quite like watching your work ethic deteriorate along with your mental health as the end of the semester approaches. I’m glad I pay to go here.”
— Buried under debt
“There’s nothing like the taste of regret to start your morning off right.”
— Person getting their midterm back
“I’ve been awake for so long that I think it’s important I look up the LD50 of caffeine.”
— It’s ~150 mg/kg if you were wondering
“I know summer is almost here, but I don’t think I’m going to make it.”
— Everyone
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