Horrifically mutated and destructive reptiles seem to have been a theme this past summer. Two action films, released only a few months apart, featured these zoological monstrosities. Both Godzilla and the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles release came packed with fires, explosions and cold-blooded harbingers of gleeful destruction. While one of these films captured the essence of a nostalgic franchise, reinterpreted it and presented it in a manner both fresh and faithful to the source material, the other was directed by Michael Bay.
Unfortunately, that distinction carries with it a wide range of problems, the likes of which few movies are able to recover from. The director of the inexplicably popular Transformers films, Michael Bay, has earned somewhat of a reputation for two components he always manages to include in his films: 1) converting nostalgic franchises into testosterone-pumping, explosion-filled action flicks, and 2) making horrendously poorly-written and constructed films that everyone will go see anyway. Count me among the ranks of “everybody.” However, hopefully my experience may help others finally escape those ranks.
Debuting as a notoriously gritty and bloody comic series in the early 1980s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise (hereafter TMNT) has spanned numerous incarnations, the most popular of which was a children’s cartoon in the late 80s and early 90s. Following the exploits of the radical mutants Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael, the series was hugely popular for its excellently choreographed action, interesting storylines and likeable albeit dated characters.
Unfortunately, the Bay film only manages to capture the “dated” aspect with the result of a film that drains the joy, excitement, and vitality from every facet of the franchise. The film focuses primarily on one Miss April O’Niel (Megan Fox), a no-nonsense reporter willing to go to any lengths to get a story (a la Lois Lane). After she catches a shadowy figure single-handedly defeat a group of criminals, she dedicates herself to determining the identity of this strange vigilante. After relatively little searching, she discovers not only one, but all four of the titular turtles. O’Niel quickly finds herself entangled in their conflict with an insidious warlord known as “The Shredder”.
In theory, this film should work perfectly well. While the plot is nothing particularly noteworthy, it remains very true to the source material. It has all the makings of an enjoyable, popcorn-action flick. Unfortunately, the film misses every opportunity to be watchable and audience members will notice. A large portion of the film focuses on April O’Niel. This is the entire reason why the film falls apart. As is the case with his Transformers films, Bay dedicates roughly 70 percent of the film to focusing on the human characters go about their lives. The issue is that audiences are not going to see a TMNT film to follow the exploits of April O’Niel. That’s not to say that focusing on the people is always a bad thing.
Godzilla did something very similar throughout much of its runtime. However, while Godzilla used every human scene to build tension and suspense and made every scene with the monsters actually present explode with intensity, TMNT doesn’t build up to anything at all. There is no buildup, and little impactful payoff. As such, the human characters have to carry much of the film, and unfortunately, none are up to the task.
Aside from some extremely forgettable side characters, Megan Fox’s character is the only notable human player in the entire film. Unfortunately, she cannot carry the day. Megan Fox’s acting in this film may be excellent or awful as the O’Niel character herself is written so poorly that it is impossible to tell. Her dialogue is so bland that audiences can practically see the cue cards they’re read from. The touching scenes are so forced it is impossible not to wince. Even the supposedly exciting moments are lost because they carry no weight. How can something be exciting if it is impossible to care about those involved? Even the action scenes themselves fall woefully short of expectations.
The film adopts the stereotypical black and grey gritty look used in so many films, it’s well on its way to becoming a new Instagram filter. The action might be well choreographed but because the camera is constantly held so close to the action, it is impossible to really know. Pair this with the typical action “shaky cam” effect, and there may as well be no picture at all. Furthermore, much of the sound in the film is composed of bangs and crashes typical of the patented “Michael Bay explosion.”
The key problem with this film is that none of the emotions it tries to evoke or actions it follows are earned. If the viewer can’t care about the humans, their drama means nothing. If the viewer never interacts with the turtles, their fights carry no weight. There is no way to determine that a fight is good if it is never seen. There are no flashy special effects that could salvage this film. Hopefully these turtles will get the modern interpretation they deserve. Until that day comes, don’t bother to see this film. It is best left forgotten.
Overall Rating: 2/5
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