Heard Around Campus

“I mean, I did pretty well in high school, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

— SOHOP kid

“I just slept for 36 hours, but I think I need a nap.”

— Generic college student

“But on the safety walk they said you’d 100 percent die if you’re off campus at night.”

— A road scholar

“I’m sort of worried that I’m going to get scurvy at some point. I don’t think I’ve had a fruit since a freshman swiped me into the FFC.”

— A senior

“There’s nothing quite like watching your work ethic deteriorate along with your mental health as the end of the semester approaches. I’m glad I pay to go here.”

— Buried under debt

“There’s nothing like the taste of regret to start your morning off right.”

— Person getting their midterm back

“I’ve been awake for so long that I think it’s important I look up the LD50 of caffeine.”

— It’s ~150 mg/kg if you were wondering

“I know summer is almost here, but I don’t think I’m going to make it.”

— Everyone

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