Learn how to get what you want and get away with it

By: Liz Katzki

Posted: 12/4/08

At first glance, the title of this column might sound like I'm some douche bag male trying to get into some girl's pants. Wrong on both accounts. On the contrary, this column focuses on the one thing that is most difficult to maintain while "getting what you want": dignity.

I think I can speak for humankind when I say that sex is good. Nobody dislikes sex: it feels good, it's fun, it's aerobic, and it's (hopefully) with someone you don't mind being around. The issue is: What if you don't mind being around more than one person?

My dear peers (and teachers, if you're reading this), I have somewhat of a revolutionary announcement: There is nothing wrong with having sex with more than one person, as long as you have come to terms with that fact.

It is not a crime to like sex. In fact, I think it's a great thing. And, until you meet that special someone who you want to be around more than just the occasional hook up and hello, then by all means, have your fun, because you have needs and just because you don't have a boyfriend does not mean that you cannot be having sex.

Having sex out of a relationship is something that is highly frowned upon by a scowling segment of society, but that does not mean that everyone thinks badly of you. If you're one of the lucky ladies who manages to jump between beds without being held back by that nasty sense of shame, I can guarantee you that a hundred other women wish they were doing exactly what you're doing, but are too chicken or too worried about what people are going to think of it.

Almost everyone has had an awkward (occasionally alcohol-induced) one-night stand, and has felt bad or ashamed of it the next morning.

There is no need to feel guilty; in fact, you should feel good about yourself. You just got (at least I hope you got) what every human intrinsically wants: an orgasm. If you really feel bad about it, look back at the ancient Greeks and even Confucius, who all say that sex is a wonderful and healthy thing for the mind and body. And if it was good, why not do it again? Who says that it has to be awkward the next day when you pass last night's catch on the way to class? You are allowed to say hello, and you are allowed to introduce the idea of a repeat performance, especially if it was really good. Why pass that up? Good sex is hard to find.

Wouldn't Hopkins be such a better place if it weren't so awkward or taboo to have sex with someone with whom you are not monogamous? This is such a small school - why would you want to alienate people, especially people who can make you cum?

Sex is an intimate thing, and to not even say hello to someone you have had sex with seems downright rude to me. Imagine, for once, if having sex with someone actually brought you closer to them (like it's supposed to), and maybe you could even become friends. Random one night stands do not necessarily make you best friends, but they should not perform the opposite function either. Just because you had sex with someone should not mean that you have to avoid them. You didn't do anything wrong, and you shouldn't regret it as long as you were safe about it.

You can't forget that there was someone else involved in this whole sex thing we're talking about. That person you kicked out of your bed this morning because you felt "ashamed" of your actions may not actually regret the sex, and you might be making them regret it by ignoring them.

By all means, I do not mean to say that you must pursue a relationship with this person, or even be monogamous, but, if the sex was good, why not have more? There's no shame in that. Men do it all the time and most don't feel badly about it, so why shouldn't women do the same? If you really loved music, you wouldn't apologize for listening to several different bands; so if you love sex, turn up the volume and tune everyone else out.