Satisfy your temptations, but don't overindulge

By: Emma Brodie

Posted: 11/13/08

Here's a question for you: How much gummy candy is too much gummy candy? I myself have eaten seven pounds of gummy candy this week. I know this is a bit excessive - the inside of my mouth is corroding from that sour stuff they put on gummy worms and the extra sugar is making me spaz out in short bursts before plunging me into deep withdrawal.

And yet, I can't stop. I find myself back at Char Mar at one, sometimes two, sometimes three in the morning to get my fix, justifying my actions by saying I don't want a pile of dining dollars that I'll wind up spending on Burt's Bees products.

On the bright side, I feel as though this newfound addiction has brought me closer to my idol, Mandy Moore, and her one-time top 10 (number two in Australia) single, Candy.

So here I am, hyped up on sour patch kids, blasting the Wade Robson Remix of Candy, and I begin to think about health and indulgence and how much indulgence is healthy. Any eight-year-old, much less a sophomore in college, can tell you that downing upwards of 70 sour patch kids isn't good for you, and yet here I am doing it anyway.

The fact is, people do things that are bad for them all the time. It's interesting, because there are so many varying degrees of bad behavior, you can justify almost anything. For instance, my current sugar addiction is nothing compared to the time I went away to boarding school and ate nothing but Jello and Apple Jacks for a month.

Junk food is just one of my weaknesses; my other, though slightly less intriguing, is equally prone to cause obsessive behavior: men.

The Crush: an illusive term that includes anything from feeling butterflies in one's stomach when the object of one's desire enters the room to feeling overwhelming distress when they leave it. Crushes can occur for a plethora of reasons including good looks, wit, charm, confidence and any other trait you think would describe James Tiberius Kirk.

While most crushes are associated with positive things such as daydreaming, there exists a small but pervasive minority which are associated with bad things, such as Anna Nalick.

Yes, there is one aphrodisiac that I have found to be more powerful than any of the others, and this is a certain air of unavailability. Whether it's someone significantly older, an authority figure or simply someone who's just not that into you, there's something about the challenge that makes it so much more appealing.

(Note: This isn't true for everyone, some people see these obstacles as flashing warning signs and immediately turn their attentions elsewhere. And, though mature, they are no fun).

In a certain sense, going for someone who is unavailable is a safe choice: To a certain extent, you know the likelihood of becoming close to this person in any lasting manner is slim, so in a way you're protecting yourself.

On another hand, you're leaving yourself wide open for rejection, angst and frustration, and while these traits are often associated with people who are cool things, like "complicated" and "screwed up," they really just make you look like Zach Efron in the desert scene in High School Musical 2: a.k.a. the love child of Venom and The Lost Backstreet Boy.

It's easy to jump into one of these situations because chances are nothing will come of it; what's not so easy is finding your way back out if you begin to slip. And you'd be surprised how often it happens. What starts out as innocent flirtation can blossom into obsession faster than you can say "sexual attraction." And yet, this begs the question: Is it possible to have mind-blowing sexual chemistry if there is no struggle involved?

So, let's talk about sex, baby. We all know about a literal orgasm, but the fact is, good sex is rarely achieved without something extra: a mind f--k. A mind f--k is basically what it sounds like: a release of mental tension that adds to the overall pleasure of the experience. Some people can get off with a simple declaration of affection while others need a little more to get the job done. This can range anywhere from witty banter and frustrated sparring to systematically ignoring each other and actual cruelty.

I've heard men speak of how they want to "vanquish" some girl in their physics class, or girls talk about how they "owned" that guy last night. The power struggle is intoxicating, but how far can you go before it actually starts to hurt?

In the end, a balance is crucial. People are terrified that the opposite of these dangerous liaisons is either an Amish-like society in which flashing someone an ankle is considered porn, or worse, feeling trapped in a perfect relationship with a perfect person who will help you breed perfect children and ultimately (from an evolutionary standpoint, of course) await your perfect death.

It is possible to find someone exciting (if you know what I mean) and also know that they have your back.

Granted, it doesn't happen that often, but it's something to aspire to. In the meantime, it's important to take responsibility for your limits and for yourself - the reason your friends complain about you going back to that "douche bag" again and again isn't because they hate him so much, it's because they're sick of having to clean up the mess.

So give everyone a break, but mostly yourself, and say goodbye to the dandy and hello to the candy ... eye candy of course.