A tale of two cities: advice for those missing home

Jenny is not my real name. It’s a pseudonym I adopt to foster intimacy with you, my reader, but I definitely am a real person.

In this column, I’ll answer your questions about life at Hopkins: the highs, the lows and everything in between. I know that the Homewood campus can sometimes seem like an overwhelming place. You might feel like you can’t reach out to those around you or that others won’t understand.

That’s where I step in. I’ve had my share of funny, weird and difficult experiences, but I’ve always felt that I’ve learned something from them. If you have any issues or problems, I’m here to offer my opinion and guidance. Basically I’m try to be like HERO but for your emotional needs.

This week we have a question from a student who is trying to balance two homes: one here in Baltimore and the other back in their hometown.

Dear Jenny,

My mom just moved to an entirely new state, and I brought all the rest of my stuff from home and moved it to Baltimore. Last year when I thought about home, I thought about my familiar house and my friends and memories from high school, but now everything is here.

That’s kind of intense, because it feels like I don’t have any kind of safety net or anything to fall back on. I like Baltimore, but what should I do to make myself feel more comfortable calling this city home?

From,

Searching for home in Baltimore

Dear Searching,

Reading your letter was like reading from my freshman year diary. I know exactly how you feel! And I just want to tell you that it’s taken me two years, but now Baltimore is the place where I feel most secure and happy. To me, that makes Baltimore my home.

Searching, you may currently feel a little lost and disoriented after moving your entire life to Baltimore. I think every college student goes through that to some extent. I certainly did.

When I first came to Hopkins, I didn’t think I would ever think of Baltimore as home. It was too foreign and too far. I didn’t know who I was, and I didn’t feel secure in my identity.

As you wrote, it can feel daunting to be without a safety net. But the beauty of lacking a safety net is that you’re forced to adapt and to change. Personal growth isn’t a choice anymore: It’s a necessity.

I’m grateful that I wasn’t able to go home during weekends or breaks, because I spent more time trying to feel comfortable with myself and with the city. But at the same time I missed my parents, the daily drive to school, the doughnut shop where I’d hang out after class.

Most of all, I missed having a support network. I think something you’re expressing in your letter is the desire for normalcy and security. I also wanted those things desperately, but instead of seeking them out at school, I tried to cling on to what I had left behind.

This led to a lot of freshman angst and a truly embarrassing incident in the FFC. I was eating dinner with a group of new friends and suddenly started crying over my plate of mediocre Meatless Monday food. I 10/10 would not recommend bottling up your feelings, because I can assure you, it does not end well.

Still, despite being an absolute mess, my friends didn’t judge me. Instead, they took me back to the dorm, where we talked and laughed and neglected our homework. From then on, I decided I was going to focus on putting down roots at Hopkins. I think that’s what you should focus on too. Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself explore and grow.

An easy tip: If you want to make Baltimore feel like home, try to explore all the different neighborhoods and get to know the people who live here. Keeping up to date with local news and events is an easy but effective way to feel more invested in the community. But there are other things you can do too.

The summer after my freshman year, I subletted from a graduate student’s apartment and lived alone. It was scary but exhilarating. Every weekend I would venture out into different neighborhoods like Fell’s Point, Federal Hill, Station North and Waverly.

Sometimes I would take a camera and snap photos of daily life. Other times I’d just walk and absorb the sounds of the city. Volunteering with a local non-profit also allowed me to meet Baltimore natives and learn more about the community.

At the same time, remember that you don’t have to forget or discard your memories and relationships of home. Searching, you say that when you thought about home last year, you thought of your high school friends. You can still do that. And you absolutely can continue to make those people integral parts of your life.

Every three months or so, I FaceTime my best friends from home. We tag each other in memes. And when I go home for winter break, I make a point to spend as much time as possible with them. But when I’m here at school, I make it a point to be present.

It’s scary and intense to venture out into the unknown. You should be proud of yourself. Give yourself time to make Baltimore feel like home. It’s not going to happen overnight. But if you focus on growing as a person and developing meaningful relationships, I believe it can.

Best,

Jenny S. Hopkins

Need advice? Submit your questions to dearjennyshopkins@gmail.com and they may be answered in a future column.