My last pun-filled column of the year

I’d like to thank my loyal fans for sticking with me through Fresh Eyes and Sophomoronic. I couldn’t think of any puns associated with the word “junior” so that is 40 percent of the reason that I’m not continuing my column.

Anyway, shout out to my mom for reading literally everything I write. You’re my most loyal fan, and you always have been. I’ve written some pretty weird stuff this year, but I’ve also written some good pieces. It’s always very exciting when you share them on Facebook and all the ladies from synagogue comment on how cool I am. It’s nice to have my self-esteem boosted by women who remember me as a small child.

Additional shout out to Diva from Copy. I haven’t known you for too long, but the first time we met, you recognized me from my column and that was pretty cool. It’s like being a celebrity. I am definitely not a celebrity, but I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed reading all the crazy words I’ve spit out this year. I’m pleased that at least one person thinks I’m funny.

Writing a column has honestly opened up so many doors for me. I’d never written anything like this before I came to Hopkins, but I grew up reading Joel Stein’s column in the back of Time magazine. If you don’t know who that is, you’re missing out. He writes “The Awesome Column,” and it’s about basically whatever he’s interested in writing. I grew up telling my mom, “I want to be like Joel Stein when I grow up.”

I’m not quite at the caliber of readership that Joel Stein has, but I have at least two regular readers (see above). I wrote biweekly, sometimes more, and I’ve covered topics from living in Baltimore as a Hopkins student to suggesting at least six uses for Post-it notes. I’m basically the Joel Stein of campus, I think. At the very least, I have the strongest pun game around (see my column title).

Starting my column last year gave me the opportunity to serve as the Hip Hop Editor for The News-Letter this past year, and I’m so grateful for that chance. Aside from learning the necessities like how to lay out a goddamn page of the newspaper, I’ve learned a lot about managing other people and making sure they stick to deadlines. I’ve also pretty much tapped out my creativity for making lists of things that people maybe care about.

I probably shouldn’t give up the Hip Hop secrets about how we fill space when there aren’t enough writers, but I’ve written some pretty wacky things. I once wrote a series of haikus about the weather. I’ve written a quiz about what you should order at UniMini. I’ve written horoscopes almost every month, and who knows, maybe I’ve helped someone get their life back in order while Mercury was in retrograde. I knew it was time to move on when I wrote a list about how to avoid doing your laundry. I’ve got to admit, that was not my best work.

Despite struggling to fill space, drying out my well of creativity and struggling to enforce rules on a bunch of writers I’d never met, I wouldn’t trade this year of funky column editing for anything. It’s been a fulfilling and educational experience, but I’m excited to pass the torch along to the lovely Meagan Peoples, and I’m excited to start the next chapter of my News-Letter experience over in the Opinions section.