Most people know all too well the experience of old age and caring for the elderly — it’s something that transcends all cultures and generations. I’ve had the opportunity to analyze the last cycle of life through sociological and ethical lenses during my courses this semester. As a child who is privileged enough to have all his grandparents alive, I am lucky enough to say I have not personally experienced the death of a loved one. However, aging as a concept is not solely about “slowly dying” but unfortunately involves a tremendous amount of sickness. With grandparents who have gone through and are currently going through their share of caretaking, I know just how relatable these concepts and experiences are to others. The last cycle of life is tied to many different illnesses like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, cancer and loss of hearing or vision — thus making it a ubiquitous experience in our society.
Amour (French for “love”) is a movie that’s part of the Sociology of Health and Illness syllabus. It shows the life of a retired octogenarian couple as they go through these unfortunate experiences. The wife, Anne, has a stroke that paralyzes her left side and puts her on the road toward dementia. Georges, the husband, becomes his sick wife’s caretaker.
The movie de-romanticizes the “caretaking” relationship by showing the intricacies of everyday life. Georges cares for his wife in every respect: from cooking to feeding and from bathing to cleaning. The obvious physical deterioration that is brought on by old age inflicts emotional duress, making care-giving and receiving more difficult.
Throughout the movie the experience is shown to take a toll on both the husband and the wife. Georges struggles with his own well-being as a man in his 80s taking care of his paralyzed wife. His physical state declines along with his relationship with his daughter because of all the familial stress he has to deal with in such a dismal situation. Even his own mental health is tested by several moments in the movie where he is shown to be going a little crazy.
Anne struggles to take on the sick role, exhibiting feelings of frustration and guilt caused by the dependency she has on her husband. At some points, she snaps at her husband saying things like “I’m not a cripple... You can leave me alone for a minute.” By maintaining a strong composure, Anne tries to retain some dignity in their relationship. Her personal frustrations continue, however, as she struggles increasingly with the burden she places on her husband, which culminates in a suicide attempt.
Ethically, the sick role and the aging process pose important questions about preserving individual dignity, autonomy and well-being. How does one maintain dignity in the last stages of life when one is most vulnerable and dependent on the people around them? How does one make decisions about one’s life when not physically or even mentally capable of doing so? These questions bring up many more in-depth discussions about advanced directives, euthanasia and DNRs. However, the underlying concepts are what are important.
What moral underpinnings should we value over others? Should we value self-determination, as in cases of matured cancer where the patient no longer has the desire to live? Or should we value the family’s choices to preserve life and value their desire to enjoy the last moments of life with a loved one who is suffering from dementia?
I’ve had the amazing opportunity to be able to explore some of these questions and more, but these are only some of the many questions that medical professionals, sociologists and bioethicists answer every day.
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